“We are excited to announce” tells the reader how the sender feels. Sometimes that is appropriate. Often, the reader first needs to know what has changed for them.
Take a fictional service email. The original opening says: “We are delighted to introduce our improved booking experience.” A more useful first sentence might be: “You can now move an appointment online without calling reception.” The second version gives the reader a concrete reason to continue—provided the feature really works that way.
Write the first two sentences together
The opening should lead naturally to the next piece of information. After explaining the change, say where to find it or when it applies. Avoid a dramatic first line that the rest of the email immediately qualifies into something much smaller.
For an operational message, identify the affected person, the relevant change and any necessary action. For a newsletter, offer the specific idea or story the reader will encounter. The same opening style will not suit a delayed order and a thoughtful editorial essay.
A quick editing exercise
- Underline the first concrete fact in the draft.
- Check whether the sentences before it add necessary context.
- Move the fact earlier if the reader can understand it there.
- Read the opening beside the subject line to remove repetition or contradiction.
Show the draft to someone unfamiliar with the project and ask what they expect from the rest of the message. If their answer differs from your intention, revise the promise rather than blaming their attention span.
Keep urgency truthful. A deadline belongs in the opening when it genuinely affects the reader, not because every message needs pressure. Good copy helps someone decide whether the email matters to them; it does not need to make every recipient feel that ignoring it would be a mistake.